I want my jellybeans.

Watching this video makes me sad. It makes me want to disconnect from all the technology, get on a plane and do something I really love away from all the shit that TV, Internet and newspaper bring my way unwillingly.

I want to go out and run more.

I want to swim and sunbathe, play with some kids on the street. Help an old man cross the road, discuss the importance of sticking to school and ignoring the bullies with the 8 year old girl selling napkins on the streets of Cairo. I want to paint and draw. Learn how to play “Happy Birthday” on the guitar again while attempting to tune it.

I want to play with butterflies and cats. Sleep on a beach with a dead butterfly staring back at me. Telling me her story and how she fell while on duty. I want to stare at the traffic from above the bridge while waving to the truck drivers. I want to take pictures with the rickshaw drivers welcoming me to their small town. Take pictures of the hens and bunnies.

I want to watch the sunrise and the sunset while listening to Pink Floyd. Walk around with deeply tanned shoulders and hair that smells like wind and sea.. and coconut.

I want to go visit the aquarium and enjoy life under the sea. Imagining what it would be like to be a mermaid.

I want to dance with the bedouins of Sinai.. sip on some thyme tea brewed on man made fire. Mess with the camels and tease the belly dancer for obviously not having what it takes to shake that belly!

I want to go on long trips to far places and enjoy the stops. Tiptoe around dirty bathrooms and walk out like a champ!

I want to roam around Khan El Khalili and greet the lovely people trying to convince me to “come and take a look”.

Try on some rings and bracelets and trinkets.. old yet lovely trinkets. And that awesome belly dancing suit!

I want to chitchat with random strangers and discuss which side I find better: my mother’s side or father’s side.

I want to enjoy traditional Egyptian food with awesome friends early in the morning.. right after we spent all night partying and celebrating someone’s achievement. I want to have seafood with the girls and enjoy a walk down the streets on a lazy summer afternoon.

I want to ride horses.. and gallop off away from everyone.. watch everyone fade away behind.. with me and that beautiful beast roaming around history.. us against the world.

I want to go out on my own. Catch that lousy movie on my own. Go shopping on my own. Go to sleep on my own.

I want to ride the train and watch the countryside. Watch cows and donkeys carry men and children racing.

I want to sip my cup of coffee at the airport.. looking at people as they worry about things small and big. And wonder if this will be my last trip home.. or away from home.

I want my jellybeans.. I want my life back.


Say something nice or leave. Butthurt is intolerable yet I welcome positive criticism.

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