I truly believe that one of the main reasons we have problems in the world is the lack of respect and consideration some people display towards others. Whether intentional or not, annoying people is inevitable but then you can easily change that by at least controlling those behaviors that are generally marked as inappropriate. Between etiquette and common sense, you have no excuse. Those little small things you do that annoy others are most of the time passed on it children and the circle continues. I’m not gonna claim that I myself don’t do such things, but I know my limits in general and I try my best to avoid anything that might be considered rude or disgusting. And I do know that apologizing is not a big deal when I know that I was doing something unintentionally. However, when people display such behaviors without regard to others around them or even remorse, I do my best to voice my objection or give them a taste of their own medicine. Sometimes they even claim that it’s none of my business. That is when I simply wish it was legal to punch people.
Here’s a list of things that might make people want to punch you:
- As Johnny Depp once said in “Charlie and the chocolate factory“: “Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most!”. Who the hell wants to see you chew a piece of flavored rubber with your goddamn mouth open!? Seriously..! Shut your mouth and spare us the music!
- Since we’re still in the chewing process, eating with your mouth open is also one thing that might get you punched in the face.. only if it was legal.
- People who burp. There’s nothing more disgusting than burping in public. If I can hold it, you can hold it.
- People who pass gas in public. Do I need to explain why?
- Being loud in public places is another thing I don’t get. Whether you’re on the phone or with a group of friends, we’re not here to compete.. believe me, I don’t want to listen to how your day at work was and I definitely don’t want to listen to your racist remarks about your coworkers or anyone you came across. (I’ll go back to this one later). If you’re willing to talk loud, at least make it interesting enough. Give us some gossip! 😛
- LOLing. It’s fine to LOL on cyber space or text messages but GOD DAMNIT if you KNOW you laugh like a hyena, try to pipe it down!! Unless you’re Tom Hanks with your house crumbling right before your eyes (here)
- People who are openly racist. I’m sorry, why do I have to put up with your mental farts when you’re obviously being an asshole towards others? I get that a lot these days and there is no shame! Bigotry is a big “Punch me!” sign. Like this woman.
- People who mistreat their kids, maids/nannies in public.I don’t care what they did, you don’t just physically or verbally abuse someone in public and expect to get away with it. NO. Not your kids, not your sister and definitely NOT another human being just because you pay them!
- People who stand and watch someone being physically or verbally abused. You deserve a punch.
- Taking your kids to the wrong place. I don’t get those people who take a 2 year old to a movie theater. I mean I understand a kid crying on a plane and I will not be an asshole and ask the mom to keep that kid quiet because it’s a kid and the poor woman has enough to deal with and my convenience is not something I would want her to handle as well but COME ON. A crying baby in a movie theater? How stupid can you be? If you can’t afford a baby sitter or don’t have anyone to take care of the baby, I’m sorry. We don’t have to suffer as well. I mean I feel you, sister! But a DVD player and a TV are more than enough. STAY HOME.
- Since we’re going to discuss kids in places, I’m sure some of you came across those running around, knocking things over and making a complete mess out of everything. Again, if you can’t control your kids in public, we don’t have to suffer. Assuming that we will put up with your kid’s shit just because they’re kids does not excuse you from being punched in the face because as far as I know, your kid could run into a glass display and get their head cracked while you -asshole- sit there ignoring the little tornado you gave birth to. Be responsible and teach your kids how to behave in public. Or again, stay home. And no. Your nanny does not deserve a punch in the face if she’s taking care of the baby.. YOU DO. Lazy ass parent.
- People whose kids swear. Yes. When a 5 year old calls me a donkey or a dog or even worse: a bitch (!), you sir/ma’am deserve a sucker punch. The mother of all punches. Repeatedly. Your kid being obnoxious is a sign of you being obnoxious in front of them. We don’t need more assholes in the world. If you choose to swear, please avoid doing it in front of children. Please avoid being racist in front of them too. When I hear a kid telling someone “get out of our country” it’s a sign of racist parents. Believe me, a sucker punch wouldn’t do you justice. And while we’re at it, slap that little bugger across the face next time they decide to display such unacceptable behavior.
- Men who smoke cigars. IN GENERAL. Cigars smell like SHIT. I don’t want to be near it, and I don’t want it to be near me. I wish I could punch the dude who invented cigars. They smell like SHIT. And I’m sorry, cigars are for Donald Trump and multimillionaires.. who the hell are you trying to impress with that piece of crap?! *PUNCH*
- Teenagers. Because they’re generally stupid and smug. I wish I had someone punch me in the face back when I was a teenager. I wasn’t considered THAT annoying but I sure would have considered not committing many stupid things if someone did. I learned the hard way that teens are not the people you would want to walk away from. I got attacked a few months back for publicly shaming a bunch of teens who drove around in a parking lot recklessly. They went ahead and hit my car in addition to being assholes towards others. I got out of my car to demand they went to the police station with me but next thing I knew, I was being attacked by 5 teens in the middle of a busy mall. The thing is: if you’re willing to look the other way and excuse a teenager for being stupid while they obviously are a threat to people around, you too deserve a punch in the face.
- People who do this:
A- This is animal abuse.
B- This is a threat to people around (including your sorry ass).
C- You look like a douchebag.
D- You look like a douchebag.
E- You look like a DOUCHE. BAG.
- People who drive with their feet on the dashboard. Feet on the dashboard in general. You look like an idiot and no one wants to have your ugly feet in their face.
- People who drive like morons.
- Failing to use your turn signal = punch in the face.
- Speeding = punch in the face.
- Racing with people = sucker punch.
- Flashing your lights = punch in the face because you obviously don’t own the road, asswipe!
- Driving slowly on a highway = please.. leave.. I don’t want to punch you but I might do it if you continue with this shit.
- Using your phone while you’re driving = punch in the face.
- Some women deserve a slap across the face for believing that just because you’re a woman, you will get away with driving like all of the above!! (PS: I’m a good driver :P)
- People who double park. Or park like idiots. I came across this image and I think it’s a brilliant idea..
- People who cut in line. If I stood there for a solid 15 minutes, you’re no better than me or the rest of us. Problem is that those who choose to be assholes always end up acting like even bigger assholes when they’re asked to go back in line. Between “It’s none of your business” and “It’s my country, get out!”, you seriously don’t know how much punching can your poor knuckles handle. Please know this: you are automatically labeled as an asshole if you cut in line. We hate you, we want to punch you and we hope whatever it is that you came for does NOT work because Karma is a bitch and you’re an asshole.
- People on planes. Most of them. I mean what is WRONG with you, people?! Can’t you wait?! We’re all getting on the plane, it’s not leaving without you and it doesn’t make sense to cut in line, push and shove people to get to your 32 A seat in the back of the damn plane. And also please goddamn it, wait for the plane to land and the doors to open before you leave your seat and smack me in the head with your nasty smelling bag! What is wrong with people?! I just sit there waiting for everyone to leave the plane and take my time to get on the bus because it is seriously annoying to have to reach for your bag while some idiot is pushing you to get out. Don’t push people unless the goddamn plane is crashing and you want to reach the exit!
- People who stare. I’m not gonna deny that I have the bad habit of looking (and not STARING) at people but I do make sure not to repeat that annoying thing and when I get caught looking at someone, I make sure I smile just to reassure them that I am not trying to invade their personal space. But people who stare.. my God. Really? Do you need a picture to memorize my face even better? And why are you staring into my shopping cart, lady?! I got that shit from aisle B! Get the hell off my cart!
- Men who mistreat women and I’m gonna stop at this because the list can go on and I’m surely boring you here but a woman abuser deserves a punch in the crotch. At least. I am always willing to stand up for anyone being physically or verbally abused even if it’s someone I don’t know. And I’d gladly take a punch. 🙂
PS: Before you judge my use of foul language which I am also guilty of, please note that I avoid using such language in front of children as I wouldn’t want to be a bad example. I try my best. And if your kid is reading this, guess what? IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO MONITOR THEM, NOT MINE. 😛
Please consider your fellow human being. And have a happy Thursday! 🙂