A few weeks ago, I wrote a post on how to annoy people that hate you. I still get traffic from people asking for a quick fix to their hater problems but sometimes I get this question instead: How to annoy people you hate.
Oh boy! Let’s do this! 😀
How to annoy people you hate:
Growing up as a tom boy, I had a lot of issues with people around. I grew up in a family club surrounded by all sorts of kids from all sorts of backgrounds. You would imagine that going through high school is the toughest thing a teenager can go through but believe me: nothing beats a family club where even the parents of those teens pitch in to give you a lesson while they clearly need help for having ill behaved kids. I used to have a couple of good friends who preferred to be on the quiet side of “the party” just like myself and kept things low profile. I used to wear the weirdest shit and have the weirdest haircuts. Either listening to my walkman/discman (RIP/RIP) or trying to drop a ball through the hoops of our basketball court. I never thought I fit in with those “Didi” dancing girls in their skimpy outfits. I’d stand there and watch the 5 chicks dance to that shit with their moms standing there all proud of their little girls representing the darkest tragedy of humanity: teenagers and hormones. And while they used to relate to booty shakin’, I used to relate to the likes of Alanis Morissette, Bjork, Missy Elliot, Shaquille O’Neal, 2Pac and many more. I used to dress like that as well (forgive me, God!). I wrote all about that shit in my previous post if you’d care to read some extra nonsense.
Well, I did hate a lot of people. And it was not out of jealousy.. well maybe a little bit.. but, for most of them, I used to be bullied by a lot for being different. Dressing up like a boy when most girls were doing their fancy dancing and competing to become the next Alpha Female in a small community had its price. The girls were usually in groups picking their boyfriends and marking their territories while the boys just played basketball and hung around the court with some of those cool chicks. I was always with the boys trying to compete. Who would score more hoops and get the Chicago Bulls jersey first. I used to hate it when the jerseys looked better on the guys because they had less curves 😦 but it was all good when we sat there and had our rap battles. Some guys never appreciated the fact that a female can sometimes do male stuff and they also used to give me a hard time.
I managed to find a few good female friends who were not that judgmental and they made things a lot easier. They all went to mixed schools and that’s why they were probably less susceptible to the common bullshit those other kids believed. They were loud, crazy and outspoken. They had their own character and no one could bully them and get away with it. They taught me how to have a backbone and stand up for myself.
I used to pick a lot of fights with those I hated. I would pass by giving them dirty looks and sometimes instigate fights just to give them a piece of my mind. But most of the time, I avoided being around them because that would only remind me of all the bullying. Not to mention, cause more bullying. I also learned to stand up for others and I became known for being the female vigilante of the bullied kids. I would be sitting there singing alone in a corner and a kid runs up to me telling me that this asshole picked on them and they want me to kick their ass. No problem!
The longer I stayed away, the better I felt about myself. See, when you allow hate to consume you, it effects you in a way. You start hating yourself for being different. Then for not being able to make these people understand who you really are. You become aggressive and defensive. You become paranoid and expect everyone to pick on you. You stop enjoying who you are while allowing others to pick on you. You don’t want to change yourself yet you hate yourself. So when you hate someone, you don’t hate them for what they are, you hate them for what you think they think you are. You’re consuming yourself with their thoughts and opinions about you rather than enjoying yourself and celebrating your independence from the norms of society and what it dictates. I failed to hold on and I started dressing up like a “female”. Managed to put on some eyeliner and tone it down with the boy stuff. The minute I decided to follow the herd, I got accepted. Some of those people I hated so much managed to accept me as well. It felt weird, to be honest. That same guy that gave you shit is now calling you “pretty” and saying hi to you. Was it really that important for people to see me as what society thought was normal to be accepted and welcome among them?
I stopped doing the things I wanted and started doing the things THEY wanted. And I am going to tell you that at times it was worth it but most of the time, totally not.
Before the transformation, the more I enjoyed what I did, the less those people meant to me. I would even walk by and hear their nasty comments and continue without giving them any attention. After the transformation, I automatically craved their acceptance and felt bad the minute they stopped showing me that I fit in. Hate consumed me and changed me into being someone that I was not. I used to enjoy doing all sorts of things but I stopped. I used to sing and play basketball, try rollerskating and fail miserably and publicly as well, I used to not give a fuck about anything or anyone and I was happy until hate took over.
I regret letting hate take over because it made me compromise a lot for people who meant nothing to me. People that I was better off ignoring than trying to please. Hate lets you become what you actually hate. You want to annoy people you hate? Start by loving yourself and accepting that no one is the same, no one will ever be like anyone else and those you hate for any kind of reason might be having a worse day than you. And most importantly: you will never please everyone.
People who bully others wouldn’t need to do that unless they have deep issues. If you find yourself giving someone a hard time, think about why you are doing so. Hating a bully is only natural but craving their acceptance is not. Letting your hate turn you into a bully is not. Letting your hate change you into something else to stop the bullying is not. You want to annoy people you hate? Go up to them and tell them off.
After realizing what I’ve become and how unhappy I was, I did that. I couldn’t manage to go back to my old self but I managed to stay a “boy” at heart. I love the fact that I’m a female and love all sorts of sparkly and colorful shit but I also love the fact that I don’t necessarily have to fit in the normal definition of a female to be welcome by our lovely society. The problem is society taught us that a female shouldn’t be outspoken and shouldn’t attempt to be near anything that ruins her image as a female. Dressing up like a boy deems you less feminine. Hanging out with boys deems you a slut or at least craving their attention if not less feminine. Swearing deems you inappropriate and vulgar while boys can swear at any given time for any given reason! Why? I choose to express myself that way. As long as I am not abusing that right and insulting someone personally, I don’t think you have the right to judge me for using foul language. I don’t think you have the right to judge any female for doing anything a male can do anytime and get away with. I am a man who looks like a woman. I do whatever I want as long as I believe that it is not shameful or harmful and I don’t give a fuck.
How to annoy people you hate? Start by understanding why you hate them and you will be surprised to know that hate is just an imaginary feeling that covers tons of personal issues. Love yourself the most and you will not find a reason to hate to begin with. And if you have legitimate reasons to hate someone, tell them why you hate them and get it over with. You don’t need to fix things, just let it out of your system and move on. That would at least make you feel better and give them a thing to think about while you do that. If you’ve been bullied by someone, just go up to them and say: “I don’t know why you’re doing this but if you have a valid reason for being an asshole, let me know so that we can work on it and stop this shit forever.” they will probably not take you seriously but you will walk away the bigger person since you chose to confront them and give them a piece of your mind. And forget about them while you’re at it. Once you say that shit, forget they ever existed.
I used to have a bully who turned out to be one of my closest friends. I loved how she didn’t give a fuck about anyone but she would sometimes be so mean to me. One day, I went on a trip and got everyone a gift. She refused to take my gift and left me painfully wondering what I did to deserve this harsh treatment. I went up to her and told her that I didn’t understand why she had to be an asshole to me when I was just being nice and offering her a souvenir from my latest trip. She ended up apologizing and told me that she’s sorry for being an asshole and that she really appreciated it and she even began treating me much better. I knew she had issues with people and that she doesn’t trust anyone which causes her to be a bully sometimes. I understood that even before getting her that gift and I managed to deal with her with caution during our first couple of years. I hated her at times but respected her most of the time. And telling her off changed everything. She’s not into bullying now but she’s still very direct and sometimes harsh with people. And she’s one of the few people who managed to be by my side during the worst times.
How to annoy people you hate? Start by loving yourself and being true to yourself. That is more than enough to annoy anyone you hate since you won’t give them any reasons to make you hate them even more. People you hate are people you couldn’t please at the first place. They made you hate them for some kind of reason and it’s mostly because you’re not like them or at least not what they consider “OK”. On any scale. Work on pleasing them less and hating them less but most importantly, work on loving yourself more and that is more than enough to annoy anyone who doesn’t approve of your ways. I’m not claiming that I’m perfect and that occasionally I don’t hate people for any sort of reason. I still sometimes find myself hating someone just a little bit. But I do my best to turn that hate into loving myself even more. And I avoid annoying them for those same reasons. Hating someone won’t help you. If they’ve managed to inflict physical or emotional harm on you, you have a point. But instead of hating them, love yourself for being strong enough to go through the pain without turning into one of them. You’re strong enough to do that and consider them less fortunate for having to hurt someone to be pleased with themselves. Stop the hate. 🙂